A Trip To The Dentist

Saturday night turned out to be a lovely success. Alex scored another guest bar gig at a place in Times Square and told them he wanted to work with me so I was all in. Lots of people showed up to see me, so that was a lot of fun. Remember Jay from last weekend? He was in his board exam from 8am to 5pm but still made it out to the bar. He is seriously hot. When I met him he was shy about the approach, but then once he warmed up, he was funny and nice and…sexy. He was chatting it up with Ellie and the guy she invited so it was good that I wasn’t having to babysit or feel bad that I wasn’t paying a ton of attention to him. Brownie points. I only worked until 11pm and Ellie was pretty drunk already so she wanted to hit up the mother ship, Off The Mutherfuckin Wagon. We took the two boys along. It was a little odd to already have a boy when I got there…Of course the bartender who I told to stop serving me when I started making out with people (let’s just call him Charlie even though I don’t know his name) was there and looked SO excited to see me. I wonder why. OH, he was pumped to make fun of my trashy make out habits. It was so funny. Then he told another one of the bartenders. Not only do they know Dixie, but they know Dixie make-out-a-lot. That would be embarrassing if I cared. As long as I was standing anywhere near the bar, it was coming at me. Maybe that will encourage me to stop…?

So I got to talk to Jay a lot while we were out. He’s 28, grew up in a small town in Wisconsin, and is actually a dentist. He went back to NYU to study oral surgery and he’ll be moving to Houston in June. I totally thought was maybe 24 or 25. Of course I made him guess how old I am when I found out he was 28. He guessed me 4-5 years too old, the oldest I have ever been guessed for. I really hope it was because he thinks I’m mature and not old looking. Our conversation was a little difficult because he’s SO much taller than me (HOT) and I was wearing flats from bartending. It was a cute awkwardness..I think. I had to slightly fill him in on the making out thing. I obviously couldn’t lie about it. He asked if it was recent so I very much lied about that. I thought it would not be good to say, “Oh yes, two nights after I met you I made out with a guy from Texas and then on Thursday night I made out with a British man named Stewart.” No. At some point Ellie and her boy toy ran off to avoid someone she didn’t want see, but I thought they had actually left the bar. Jay and I left, uh, sometime and I get a call from Ellie when we were down the street in the cab. Luckily we hadn’t gotten very far because I forgot that I had her keys in my purse. Jay told the driver to pull over and he ran down to the bar and gave them to her. Sweetheart. Oh and when we were leaving the bar he said he wasn’t gonna try to make out with me, but asked if he could hold my hand. Adorable, no? We headed to his place, which turns out to be walking distance from mine. He put on some comedy DVD but my ass passed out on the couch like, 10 minutes into it. That is, until we started making out. Being on the couch got old, so we headed for bed. We were both so exhausted, but we messed around for a while and eventually had sex. I’m confident we can both do better that that though. I’m going to blame it on him being awake for 24 hours and both of us being drunk. Let me tell you though, I thought this guy was shy. Not so much once he gets you in bed.

Sunday we slept (way) in and then basically lounged all day. We literally watched TV, talked, and ate until 7pm, when I decided I should finally get home. (I've never done a walk of shame that late.) Everything was nice though. He walked me down a little ways and kissed me goodbye. He’s supposed to call me this week. I really hope he does. I think I might actually like this one.

Uh oh.

Hanky Panky

Another eventful Thursday night…

With the never-ending nightlife choices in our fair city, Ellie and I decided to check out a couple new places last night. Although we hate to spend a lot of money, so we did some pre-gaming here and didn’t get out of the apartment until midnight. Whatever, that still left us 4 hours to drink. We started the night at Tortilla Flats, which is really a Mexican restaurant, but they were supposed to have good margaritas. SUPPOSED to. We weren’t that impressed. Even though the bar was starting to fill up we headed out to booze elsewhere. We grabbed a cab and our driver had good music and we were drunk enough to jam out hardcore. He LOVED us. He gave us his number so we can call him for rides. Our second stop was the MacDougal Ale House (or something). We pretty much walked up to the door, noticed that there was nobody there, and walked across the street to, you guessed it, Off The Wagon!! Kyle wasn’t there, but the bartender who always sees me was there so we were greeted with a giggle and our usual drinks. Of course no trip there would be complete without meeting some kind of character. We hung around for a little while and noticed a group of guys who seemed like they wanted to strike up a conversation. Turns out they were all from London, complete with adorable accents. A couple of them played beer pong for the first time while Ellie and I taught the other two flip cup. Fun was had by all. I mean, who doesn’t love beer pong and flip cup? Keeping with my latest trend, I had a serious make out session with one of the Brits. He was so cute! I actually told the bartender that when I start making out with people to serve me water…but that this time it was okay. I wonder if he thinks I go home with these guys. I have to stop this madness.

BTW, I looked it up and 'hanky panky' is the legit british slang term for making out. How clever am I??

Sausage Buffet For One, No Salad Bar, Large Drink of Water

Some tidbits…

I seriously think Cory has another girl. It’s not so much that I can’t deal with that (I mean hello, look at me), but he’s a bad liar about it. Don’t tell me that you’re having dinner later with clients…at 10pm on Friday. Also, it probably isn’t a good move to ask me 5 times what I’m doing for the Superbowl the week before, not call me at all the week of, and then text me the next day saying you just ‘chilled’ with Vince. Whatever.

I’m almost certain PhilMo is over me, but I will continue to keep myself in his mind because he is an absolute superb lay.

Friday night, man, well Ellie and I met a TON of interesting people. Mostly total weirdos but I met a very sweet, very CUTE future oral surgeon named Jay. We’ve talked a bit and we’re talking about going out for a little while on Friday but nothing too intense. He’s got a board exam on Saturday. That’s kind of sexy, huh?

Remember the guy I did the guest bar gig with? Well I had dinner with him Wednesday. It was nothing spectacular like he made it sound, but it was good, definitely edible and satisfying. We watched Disturbia after dinner, which scared the piss out of me. He was trying to be the studly man and put his arm around me to save me from the scary movie, but I pretty much resisted. He’s a cool guy, but uh, he’s my height, has a gut, and seems a little sloppy or something…not sure why though. His name is Alex, by the way. How rude of me to trash talk without introduction.

After the Giants won the Superbowl (fucking amazing game if you didn’t see it…) we decided to leave the bar where we had a table for Off The Wagon. That place never fails. Zagat labels it as a ‘sausage fest’ which is good when you are a ‘sausage’ receiver. My sexy bartender Kyle was there so of course I claimed me a seat at the bar and clicked the pheromones up a notch, BAM! He gave me a LOT of free shots, like I couldn’t even tell you how many. It was enough to make me go outside and smoke a cigarette with him. I KNOW. I don’t smoke, but I had to talk to that hot piece of ass. Kyle is an actor and I want to make out with him as soon as possible.

Another guy I met that night, after Kyle was relieved of duty of course, was a guy who lived in my same college town when I was there. Seriously?? It was so trippy. He was kind of cute and we were totally making out right there at the bar. I’m fucking tacky. I think I’m going to instruct the Off The Wagon crew to stop serving me when I start making out with people. I want them to switch my drink with something offensive, like warm water with a lemon or a shot glass full of olive juice.

Here’s to hoping this weekend will be as…out there.

Ay Dios Mio, What A Weekend

Thursday night Cory called and said he was going to crash in the city and asked if I wanted to hang out. He brought over some wine and we had a glass before deciding that we wanted to grab a bite. We actually walked around my neighborhood for a while looking for something eye-catching and wandered into a Peruvian place. However, upon seeing cow heart on the menu, Cory decided he was not a fan. We were back on the prowl for another place when his friend Jimmy called, apparently after a bad date. He met us at a Thai place on 2^nd Ave…making every date I’ve had with Cory a group affair. Seriously, we have never been out alone. I don’t mind really. It’s just kind of odd that we’ve never had a night out without any of our friends around. We drank, ate, and drank lots more between the restaurant and return to my apartment. I’d say we made it through about half a movie before we were ready to hit the sheets dirty style. Delicious buzz sex ensued. Afterwards, we heard Ellie’s drunk ass come in with a guy and my drunk ass wanted to say hello to both of them. Ellie bitched Cory out for a minute about being M.I.A. lately (which he has been…another woman? Hm). Cory and I were ass naked mind you. What can I say though, I sweat perfume and I piss class. We followed with another go at the nasty, a few hours of sleep, and some more sweet morning lovin’. That’s the most sex Cory and I have ever had together, and I was not complaining.

Friday was a bit different. I had a guest bartending spot at a bar that I LOVE. It’s actually the place I discovered PhilMo. I worked during happy hour and then proceeded to drink myself retarded on the other side of the bar. Ellie and Michelle were there so I was hanging out with them and some bar customers. I managed to arrange a dinner for Wednesday with my fellow guest bartender. (He is cooking for me.) I also seemed to make an impression on his boss…who wants to take me out. To top this off, I was, for some unknown reason, dancing and totally MAKING OUT with a bald European guy. At some point Ellie heads home, but I was busy bobbing my head with Euro-trash and stayed until sometime after 2. I eventually was so drunk and hungry that I headed out and he tried to follow me. Luckily my common sense finally kicked in and I went home to get food alone and walked home gnawing on chicken strips.

Saturday we had gone out to Brooklyn for Mark’s art show, but once again heard from Cory. He and Vince (superhotfriend) invited us up to Westchester for the night. Naturally, we made a run for home and got on the first train we could catch. The boys picked us up in Vince’s new Porsche Cayenne and when we got back to the house, they basically fed us and got us drunk. I learned a couple new drinking games too…For some reason though, I wasn’t really feeling sex-y. I started to fall asleep with Cory on the couch and I guess Vince and Ellie had already gone upstairs. We were messing around…still nothing. We headed up to bed and I indulged his wants, but I really didn’t get anything out of it. It was really strange after how things were on Thursday night. What’s my problem??

I got a news flash this morning. I went to gossip with Ellie about the night’s happenings and she dropped a bomb that I was NOT expecting. Cory is divorced. WHAT?! Now I understand that he’s older than I am, but he has never ever mentioned anything like this. Ever. Now I’m wondering why he hasn’t told me, when he will tell me, and a hundred other details about him and this marriage. I’m not sure what to think, but I know I’m going to let him tell me on his own watch. It’s not really my business, but it is kind of a big deal in a relationship, is it not?

Four Letter Words

Why is it that I could walk up to just about any man I know, say, “Go fuck yourself”, and walk away probably feeling good about myself? Is it because I’m not scared of who I’m saying it to? Is it because I feel confident enough to drop the F-bomb to just about anyone? Is it because I’m drunk and a bitchy?

And why do I have so much trouble talking to someone I really care about and saying, “I love you”? Is it because I’m scared of who I’m saying it to? Is it because I’m not confident enough to use the L-word in certain situations? Is it because I’m intimidated and afraid?

L-O-V-E. It means a lot of different things to everyone. There are so many people in my life to love. I have no trouble voicing that in most cases. I end a great deal of e-mails and phone conversations with those three magic words. I really like for people to know that they are loved. It’s a good feeling, to love and be loved. But what about when love is the chink in your armor; when it has the power to make you totally vulnerable and hurt you?

I feel like it’s such a loaded word. There are expectations and commitments attached that make it such a huge deal, that it’s stressful to say. I don’t want it to be like that this time. Ever since I made the decision to move, I’ve wanted to tell Brandon that I love him. Of course I needed to take his feelings into consideration too, so I decided to wait. That was just not the right time. As we approach the one year mark, I think we should talk about where we are in the whole thing. I’m obviously not ready for any legit commitment, but I care about him so much, I’m not ready to lose him, and I want to know what he’s thinking. He’s incredibly difficult to read emotionally. I honestly couldn’t tell you how much he even likes me. He might have stayed with me through the move just so he didn’t have to do any dirty work. I totally doubt that, but you know what I’m saying here. It seems like I’m going to have to do so much explaining when I finally get the balls to open my mouth. I don’t want him to think I’m looking to get married or that I’m expecting anything from him. He’s just really special to me and I want him to know…without fucking anything up. UGH, how am I supposed to do this?

Mad Scientist/Blackout

Sorry it took me so long to post again. When PhilMo was here we slept with the window open so I’ve had a cold for the past week and a half. Life hasn’t been so exciting. Bummer and a half.

Last night Boss Man wanted to have a drunk brainstorming session with me and Michelle, one of our food writers. My creative juices flow surprisingly well under the influence of tequila and vodka. I had some seriously stellar ideas. It was great. So one of my ideas was altoids as sex-cessories. I popped one in my mouth for a minute and proceeded to stick it to my naughty bits. OH MY GOD! It was amazing!! I’m definitely going to start doing that before doing things like getting on the subway or going out…places where I can’t really squirm. That should be funny. I imagine that would improve the taste of my cha-cha too. I’ll be sure to test that ASAP. I also really want to try mixing binaca and lube. How much fun would that be??

When we were done brainstorming, Michelle and I agreed that we weren’t done drinking. Since we were already in the west village, we headed toward Off the Wagon—home to my favorite sexy bartender. The only problem was, we were already so shit canned that we couldn’t find it. We were walking around FOREVER trying to figure out where we were going and I seriously got us a cab to go about 5 blocks. This would have been a good time to notice that big red flag that said “It’s time to lay off the booze for the night ladies.” Unfortunately we were much too drunk to be reading. Upon our arrival we barely squeezed in the door and eventually made it up to the bar. My hot piece of man meat bartender was nowhere to be found. I ordered a round and started in on my very unnecessary cocktail. I really don’t remember what happened while we were there. At all, except when I told the bartender to take a shot with me and to surprise me. I have no idea what I drank, but I know he didn’t charge me for it. I guess after that Michelle and I called it a night. Maybe the bar closed. I really don’t remember.

Dixie Legs-In-The-Air

I’m not even sure where to start this one, so I guess I’ll just try it from the beginning…

On Wednesday I was talking to PhilMo(hawk) and asked when he was going to be back in the city. He basically told me he’d come in whenever I wanted him to. Do you see what I mean by the puppy thing? Anyway, I told him, knowing that we would be having a lot of loud, obnoxious, geographically unpredictable sex, he should come Thursday or Friday before Ellie’s return. We agreed on him coming Thursday, and as it turns out, a bunch of his friends were coming into the city too. Apparently a guy they know was spinning at a club in Chelsea, so I decided to meet him there. And kids, this fucking club, let me tell you… Not only did I have to shell out 20 bucks to get in, but it was 18+. What. The. Fuck. It did amuse me to see all the little girls who are up that boy’s ass though. Good God. At least they weren’t bitchy, and they better be glad I’m not the jealous type. It is always nice to know that you’re the one going home with the hottie, no? If I wasn’t so sure, the claws might have come out. Although, I’m not one to try too hard. If he wants me, I’ll know it. So the night is progressing at this shit-tastic club but at least the Mohawk and I are getting drunk. We totally avoided the dance floor and clung to the bar like the borderline alcoholics that we are. At some point we were (sexually) frustrated by the limitations of (acceptable) PDA and made a joint run for the (single) men’s bathroom. We argued for a minute about whether or not the shelf would break if I sat on it, but that got old quickly and I found myself slammed against the wall getting my hair pulled. Pretty soon there was a hand in my pants and it knew exactly what it was doing. Some chick started pounding on the door, but she was looking for someone who was not either of us so we told her to run along. Eventually it was time to let someone else use the bathroom, so he licked his dirty fingers and we left…aaand ran into one of his friends who was waiting for the bathroom. Nice. We hung around for a while after that, but I’m pretty sure we left before 2. I was gung-ho for taking the subway home, cause that’s how I do, but he really wanted to take a cab. I somewhat recall a conversation PhilMo started with Mr. Cabbie, asking if it was ok for us to have sex and if people had ever done it before. We refrained. We weren’t too far from my place anyway.

We barely made it into the elevator before we were hot at it again. The details are fuzzy at this point, but I know we got naked in the living room and got dirty on the couch for a while. I paused round 1 to makes more drinks. Who does that? Dixie, baby. I needed to pace myself anyway. I think we moved to my bed after that, but I’m not sure. It could have easily been the kitchen, the bathroom, or the hallway with the mirror. Round 1 was REALLY long and I only remember bits and pieces. Around 7am I woke up long enough to get the fire started again for round 2. Half-awake zombie sex is so hot and delish, but I don’t know why.

I couldn’t tell you how many times we hit it today, but I do know it was in, out, forwards, backwards, and upside down. He’s just so fuckin’ sexy, I can’t help myself. My ass is red from getting smacked. My back is a mess from getting scratched. I’m missing hair from getting it pulled. My neck is sore from being bitten and choked… and my tiger is, well, ripped to shreds. He may be young, but he’s not a little boy.

The Mohawk and I had a really good time together. I know he goes out with some other girl, who I’m pretty sure is an 18 year old stripper, but I don’t really care. I’m not exactly the monogamous type myself. He does occasionally make reference to me being ‘his’ though. I’m not sure if he wants to actually be with me or if he’s like me and just wants to know how badly I want him. I think I’m happy with the current arrangement. I have to admit though, I love checking my phone and seeing, “ur gonna fuckin get iiiiitttttt”.

"We don't go to the mall. We don't go out to eat, eat, eat. All that we ever do is play in the sheets, sheets, sheets. Smoke us a cigarette and go back to sleep, sleep, sleep..."
--Snoop (peep the vid)